| | i had been drama free for months and then "bam" just like that it came back. of course, it comes at a time when i'm changing jobs, remembering the two years anniversary of my dad's death. the sad thing is i can honestly attest that i had nothing to do with bringing it on. it was all in her head. who knew she was going to be this way? i thought i had learned my lessons from all the other times.
can i say i saw the sign? yes, i did. it was at the moment, i realized i was dating ursula. it was urs and her craziness and the beatings. granted, it was one notch down. there was no knife or mirror throwing. did i stop it? no, because i was already in it and couldn't stop the moment. did i think i could change her? HELL NO! i did, however, think i could settle her insecurities and move forward. yeah, that went well.
so dealing with someone with a few insecurities brought out my one insecurity. lack of trust. then again, could it have been brought on by her actions. she knew full and well that all bets would be off had she decided to contact him or hang out with him, and yet, she contacted him after reassuring me that he was gone and there was no need.
trust me, we all have exes and i know this. i have exes. i have been a firm believer that if you have shared a past with someone, even though you two share nothing anymore, there should be cordialness. i have preached this from day one and will do so until i die.
yet, she has no clue that she is the one who broke the trust factor down. she is the one who decided to contact him and open avenues of communication. i understood she had issues with a few girls of my past but i was forthcoming and did everything i could to make her feel at ease. i couldn't tell her enough that there was nothing there and that it was just business. how do you trust someone who goes straight for the jugular? you can't.
steph brought up a good point. i don't trust people because i have been burned one too many times. in this line of work, it's hard to find true friends. i am very grateful to be surrounded by those i consider truly beautiful people on the inside and hope i give back to them as they give to me.
so it's times like this that make me get tattoos to remember the moments in my life. the good, the bad and the downright ugly. the dragon on my shoulder was fresh out of marine corps boot camp. the grim reaper was my marine corps unit mascot. the tribal shoulder piece was because i needed to feel pain and wanted something as wild as the life i was living. the two dragons were a relationship that at the time was like no other. the wrist pieces were true to their meaning for me, BUT the rib tattoo was bc of san fran girl.
DUM SPIRO, SPERO
and on that note, i'm out.
|
| | Posted 7/6/2009 4:00 PM - 3 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
